Rugby

"We back it up."
--Shannon Sharpe



I have to confess that if there's one thing I miss about America, it's the sports. It's the only area of life in which the European version bears no resemblance to the stuff I was born and raised on. At no time has this been more obvious than Thanksgiving weekend. Instead of watching Romo score 5 TD's in Irving, I found myself in High Wycombe trying to understand the contest that was going on between the Leicester Tigers and the London Wasps. Rugby is great, but all I could think about the whole time is what it would be like to actually field an American team for the World Cup. I mean can you imagine?

If I were coach I would start the game with only three players on the field: Ray Lewis, Champ Bailey, and Vinatieri. After the first half, it would be a pretty even game with Vinatieri hammering drop goals one right after the other from midfield and the defense containing their 11 opponents apart from one or two scores. By the start of the second half, I would bring out the "B" squad: Terry Bradshaw, The Mailman, OJ Simpson (just for the controversy of it), Kathy Ireland, the fat kid from "Old School," Jake the Snake (the wrestler, not the former starting Denver QB) and John Kerry. Things would start to get a little rough for Team America, and the fans would be starting to get nervous and start heckling me. I'd think about calling up Mike Richardson from the bench but would hold off, knowing that the mastermind Parcells-approved plan was about to unfold. And then with 5 minutes left in the game, I'd unleash American athletecism at full strength. LT. TO. Randy Moss. Deion Sanders. Sha Sha. Romanowski. Chris Carter. Emmit Smith. And of course: John Elway. After running up the score by triple digits, the world would be reminded once again of the immortal words of Ricky Bobby: "If you ain't first, you're last."

Wales

Q: It's the insurance damage waiver for your beautiful new car. Now, will you need collision coverage?
James Bond: Yes.
Q: Fire?
James Bond: Probably.
Q: Property destruction?
James Bond: Definitely.
Q: Personal Injury?
James Bond: I hope not, but accidents do happen.
Q: They frequently do with you.
James Bond: Well, that takes care of the normal wear-and-tear. Is there any other protection I need?
Q: Only from me 007, unless you bring that car back in pristine order.



It's hard to believe that my time in Great Britain is winding down already. With less than a month to go at my job, I decided to make a shotgun trip into North Wales to do some hiking and site seeing. It was another reminder of how awesome Europe is in that you can take a day trip and find yourself in a completely different set of surroundings. Unlike the rolling hills of the English countryside, Betws-y-Coed is covered in peaks and rivers that resemble the way you would imagine Rohan. In fact, it turns out that instead of English, the Welsh actually speak Elf. In the early 1300's, Wales represented the Wild West of the United Kingdom. In order to bring the population under English control, Edward I built a number of castles which survive today.

The only downside to visiting Wales is that it's about a 4 hour drive from my flat. Rationalizing that traveling from Oxfordshire is much easier than from Baltimore, MD, I decided it was worth it to spend an entire day riding in my car to visit a place I might not have an opportunity to see again for a long time. Now that winter is here, though, it starts getting dark at like 3 in the afternoon. So by 8:00 pm when I was nearly home, it was pitch black outside. They don't believe in street lights over here, and with the cloud cover there wasn't much starlight to navigate by. Within 10 miles of home, I was pulling onto a stretch of about 20 roundabouts. Roundabouts are no big deal if you know which way you're going. But in this rapid fire sequence of one right after another, I had to rely on the road signs to confirm that I was going the right way. As I was exiting one of the roundabouts, a van pulled next to me and obstructed my view of the sign. Just as I slowed down enough to see that the sign didn't say "Oxford" on it, I made a snap decision to swerve right and continue around to the next exit. It was at that same moment that the driver behind me decided to fly past me on my right. When I pulled over, I noticed that the right bumper of my car was torn to shreds and there was a clear liquid running out onto the ground. After exchanging insurance details, I naturally did what anyone would do in that situation. I got back in my car and decided to see if it would get me home without a major catastrophe. I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I tested the windshield washer fluid and found that it was empty. In retrospect, I guess it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. It's always just when you think you've got a new skill mastered that you have a major incident, and my English driving skills are clearly no exception.

Guy Fawkes Day

"Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I see of no reason why gunpowder treason Should ever be forgot."



This morning I drove up to London to participate in the celebration of Guy Fawkes day. This is Britian's version of the 4th of July with respect to fireworks, bonfires, and big parties and it commemorates the day in 1605 when God is said to have protected King James I from a conspiracy by a bunch of terrorists who were intent on blowing up Parliment. James, who was the son of Mary Queen of Scots, took the throne after Elizabeth I died without leaving a direct heir. Since the 8,000 Catholics living in England at that time weren't treated very nicely by Elizabeth, they were hopeful that the son of a fellow Catholic would give them a better shake after uniting the kingdoms of England and Scotland under one crown. When that didn't happen, Guy Fawkes and four other conspirators decided to take matters into their own hands, assasinate all the protestant rulers and place a Catholic queen on the throne. As it turned out, one of the MP's got word of the plot and Guy Fawkes was captured, tortured, hanged, drawn and quartered, and then had his head placed on display on London bridge. This wasn't thought to be enough of a retribution, so they made a national holiday out of the event. Every year, Guy Fawkes figures are placed at the top of bonfires in order to celebrate the manner in which this criminal was brought to justice. Until about 100 years ago, as part of the celebration they would tie the Guy Fawkes doll to a cat so that it would scream as it burned, making the whole experience slightly more realistic. Whether it was due to the advent of pyrotecnics or PETA I'm not really sure, but this tradition was eventually deemed unnecessary. I have to say this whole experience has given me a whole new appreciation for the British. While they're celebrating history's most successful experience with anti-terrorism, we in America are releasing movies like "V for Vendetta" which glorify the events of Nov 5 in such a way that I think we're meant to go and sign up for Al Qaeda by the time the film is over.